You’re watching the Australian Open.
You’ve just seen a sensational rally featuring sublime skills that have left you as breathless as the players.
You’re waiting for some incisive commentary and a few superlatives to match the fever-pitched reaction of the spectators, but what you get is:
“Quiet please, the Kiwis are coming…this year on My Kitchen Rules there’s a whole new challenge.”
And if that wasn’t enough, you’re then burdened with the awkward and inane cross-promotional chit-chat between Bruce McAvaney and Jim Courier who are no doubt lovely blokes but who clearly couldn’t give a toss about the product they’ve been asked to sell. The only people grimacing more than us hearing it is them saying it.
Or it’s the cricket.
There’s two overs remaining and India needs 40 runs off 22 balls. It’s tough, but it’s doable.
And what do we get? Tony Greig and Ian Healy (or some of the other channel nine commentators) talking about how they can’t wait for the new series of Big Bang Theory… or how much they’re looking forward to Excess Baggage.
Seriously?
Like there’ not enough ads on TV that we have to squeeze in some extras dressed up as fireside chats?
Well, I guess we’re stuck with them. And it’s not the fault of the commentators – they have a job and a job description which sadly now includes schilling for their companies.
And so we get used to it, even share a grimace and laugh around the louge room at how bad they are.
But the final insult is the shows that we have had pushed down our throats all summer, both in standard ads and these pieces of chatty product placement that are neither subliminal nor seamless, is when these much vaunted shows finally get a run and then are pulled off air after just a few weeks.
In the case of Kyle Sandilands’ talk show the decision to pull it was more of a mercy killing but in most cases these shows are tugged off the schedule before they have a sufficient chance to make an impact.
Excess Baggage, for instance, now appears to be excess to Channel Nine’s requirements. We are just two weeks into the ratings seasons and it’s already Gone to GO! – one of Nine’s/WIN’s other channels.
At least now with multicasting shows now get a second chance on a backup channel, so that’s something good, but after just two weeks? Especially when you consider how many weeks we had this stuff served up to us in anticipation of an expected ratings winner. And it’s often so poorly announced that you can’t find that show they were so keen for you to watch just minutes ago in the ever-growing list of free-to-air channels.
How about this TV guys… if you are going to push a show that hard and tells us how great it is, howsabout your patience of that show reflect that. Hang in there for a while and give it a chance, or even better, don’t push it down our throats in the first place.
Channel 10 has often shown a bit more patience than the other commercial channels. They stuck with the George Negus show for ages through poor ratings, and are doing the same with The Project since its ratings dropped after its change in timeslot.
Mind you Ten have always been a bit more patient in building an audience for a show. They persevered with Law and Order for years before it eventually rated for them.
But even they are guilty of that other heinous television sin… the unannounced repeat episode dressed up as a new one. Which is further exacerbated by the unannounced return of new episodes which you miss because you assumed it was yet another repeat.
What we need, my brothers and sisters, is to rise up off our lounges for just a couple of minutes (nothing too demanding I promise – let’s not get crazy here) and say we’re mad as hell and we’re not going to take it any longer.
We need a Viewers Charter – an agreement that the channels abide by lest we turn our backs on them and turn to the other channels, or maybe Pay TV, or, God forbid, turn the bloody telly off altogether for a while.
And if I was king for a day, here is what that charter would include:
1. Stop the cross-promotional promos during sporting events. Completely. Finito. No-one likes them and they’re embarrassing (unless you can get Nadal and Federer to read them live between sets… that could be funny).
2. If you heavily promote a show, stick by it for at least three weeks. If that fails, by all means, move it to one of your backup channels but heavily advertise that fact as well (including onscreen text appearing on the original channel reminding you where and when you can now find it).
3. If you are showing back to back episodes and one is a repeat, make that clear. Call it a classic episode if you must, but make it clear which shows are new and which aren’t.
4. Start and finish shows on time. You know how long they run and how many commercials you have so don’t pretend it’s an oversight when shows regular start 5-10 mins late just to stop viewers from switching. You want viewers not to switch, make better shows.
There you go TV execs. Simple rules that don’t expect anything more than transparency and honesty.
And true, it IS only television and there are many more important things, but we spend a lot of time watching the idiot box (well I do, and I'm assuming many others do too) and I'm sure we'd all be receptive to the channel(s) that started treating us with a bit of respect.
True, the decision is their hands, but the remote is in ours.
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