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CORRESPONDENCE arrived on the editor’s desk this week with a suggestion to the effect that one measure to reduce domestic violence would be for women to refrain from provoking their man by constantly demeaning him.
A similar and not unrelated argument has been voiced many times before: you know, that one about how the way to reduce sexual violence would be for women to refrain from dressing in a way that provokes unwanted attention from men.
We believe in individual accountability, we do. It really is one of the things that underpins true equality of the sexes.
But accountability does not mean shifting responsibility from the perpetrator to the victim.
We also don’t believe that a campaign asking men to stand up and speak out against domestic violence, against any abuse of women, in any way belittles the need for men to feel the same security and sanctity in their own lives.
If anything, it upholds security and sanctity for both sexes because it empowers men to make better choices; to validate the good and honourable choices that most men make in their relationships with women every day.
You’re out there. We know you. We see you. We thank you. We love you.
Domestic violence is a complex issue, so it is as much an issue for men as it is for women. Men aren’t being asked, or told, to “fix it”, just to start a conversation about how it hurts and what can be done to stop that hurt, because it hurts us all.
Women are the ones copping the physical and mental abuse, at home and even at times in public: the statistics tell us so.
Seventy eight women are dead from domestic abuse this year alone.
Just as worrying is that many of the younger generations who follow, and so model the behaviours and values of those who go before them, have been desensitised to interpersonal violence to the point they accept it, studies show.
We all have work to do. We all can strive to be the bigger, better, best version of ourselves that we can be. We owe it to ourselves, to our family and friends, to the present and future community in which our actions are a legacy.
Talk about it. Argue about it without being angry about it. Start a conversation that tells your family, your friends, your colleagues, that violence in the home is not OK and it doesn’t have to be that way.
More than ever we have professionals - doctors, counsellors, solicitors, support groups, you name it - who can help each of us overcome the difficulties in our lives that too often manifest as abuse of the ones we should love most.
One step at a time, we can get there. Take that first step today by joining the walk from the corner of Auburn and Verner streets a little after 11am. Men, women, children: come one, come all. It’s for everyone’s sake.