"It takes a village to raise a child."
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This is an African proverb that means that an entire community of people must interact with children for those children to experience and grow in a safe and healthy environment.
It has also proved valid in my own parenting experience. In fact, it was a philosophy embraced by many parents in my friendship group as we all juggled busy lifestyles - in particular the busy extra-curricular schedule.
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There have been many people involved in shaping and supporting our children. The sporting coaches and dance teachers, the school teachers, grandparents, aunts, uncles and parents of other children. Maybe not all from the same village but most definitely enough people to make up a village.
I adopted an approach early in my child rearing years to engage my children in a variety of activities that would help them to develop a broad skill- base, interests and the ability to interact well with others. It began with playgroup, swimming lessons by the time they were six months old and even music appreciation classes.
It wasn't because I wanted to raise child geniuses or Olympians. I simply wanted to expose them to activities that would boost their development. Truth be known these activities were also a great outlet for me and more importantly, a way for me to enlist the expertise of others to provide my children with positive experiences.
As they grew older and began school, they had the opportunity to try a variety of other activities - golf clinics, tennis, crafts, Auskick, soccer, league, music lessons, dance and more. My theory was 'how could they know what they liked if they had never tried it?'
Each year, or season, the children would suggest what they would like to do, we would look into the options, assess the schedule, costs involved and determine if we could make it work. The main rule was that if they started an activity they had to stick it out for the season/year.
It quickly became obvious that our children had preferences, which eventually became their key extra-curricular activities. By the time they had reached high school their focus was well and truly on one activity, with a possible secondary, more social activity.
Still at the start of each season they would be asked what they wanted to do for the year or season and reminded that they needed to commit. The focus on commitment was as much a lesson in sticking at things as it was in ensuring they understood the value of not letting others down such as coaches or team members.
The extra-curricular choices certainly kept my husband and myself on our toes. Excelling in their respective activities meant our children were invited to represent at higher levels, which in turn required additional training. Netball here, basketball there, dance class and competition in a completely different direction...and all at the same time, became a regular occurrence.
Keeping on task required careful planning and co-ordination.
I will confess there was a time when I became completely overwhelmed by the crazy schedule. At the time my eldest was about 11, the second child was nine and the youngest was a toddler who already had a program of activities.
The two older children were starting to show potential in their chosen activities and had been invited into representative roles. I had just learned of an activity one child was to attend and realised it could potentially clash with other activities. I became overwhelmed and had a moment of panic.
Then I found the strength and rationale that ended up being my go-to attitude. It was a simple solution - make sure you have all the information before you start worrying about the logistics, and don't forget to look to your 'village' as you are sure to find others who also need that support.
It may be a solution considered by some as blind faith. But it calmed me and cleared my vision to see that I was not alone with potential activity clashes. Many of the parents would talk about the logistical challenges while we stood on the sidelines watching our children. Somewhere in those conversations we realised that we should be working together for solutions.
It paved the way for catch ups and rosters which proved beneficial to all from a social and logistics viewpoint.
We would draw up a seasonal roster so that we could help each other transport all our children to their respective activities. And believe it or not we usually developed a system that benefited all.
This group became a safe and supportive network for both the children and the parents. The friendships have remained long after the children have reached adulthood.
No doubt some who read this will think I was crazy for allowing my children to become involved in so many activities. I have had family members who thought the same.
However, I don't regret the decision for a second. I have no doubt that commitment to training, schedules, other team members and striving to do the best they can at a task has prepared my children well for adult life.
The many friends they made while taking part in these activities have also grown into wonderful, well-rounded adults.
Mumma Jak has three children and is familiar with the challenges of parenthood. She is well aware that every child is different, every day can be different and a parent's approach needs to be different according to the situation at hand. She is happy to say she fumbled through, motivated from the perfect starting point - unconditional love. The good news is that all three of her children have become normal functioning adults.
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