After 45 years as a GP, Dr Robert Favaloro ponders what it takes to build a wonderful life. How happiness can be grown and tended like a good crop. It's all about following The Rules of Life.
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Rule of Life 10 - Kids all need a 'fan club'
The Youth off the Streets (YOTS) charity program was started by Father Chris Riley. The central theme of YOTS is that young people need to feel that they belong. As Father Riley puts it, "they all need a fan club."
Patients often asked where they had gone wrong as parents. One asked me why his son left to join a bikie gang. Another asked why his daughter would leave with a 'no hoper' and live in squalor.
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At such times I would wonder if these lifestyles gave a sense of belonging that these young people felt they lacked. Youth need to believe that their parents care for them (no matter what) to gain the resilience to cope in life.
I often remember Andy who was a small, angry young man. He attended regularly as a patient many years ago, always coming in with his mother. Andy smoked pot daily.
We slowly built a relationship and, as he opened up, he began talking about the chaos in his life. We could really talk and even laugh together.
One morning he attended the practice. He went to sit, but instead hurled the chair across the consulting room into the wall. He was very angry. I chose to react. I grabbed him by his clothing and escorted him out to the street and left him there. I felt justified!
On reflection some time later (as I felt the new weight in my invisible backpack), I realised how I had let Andy down. I realised that he came because he thought that I cared.
I got angry, like most people in his small world got angry with him. He had lost a major part of his fan club. I tried to rebuild the relationship but in his eyes I'd failed him. I learnt from this mistake.
We have to care for, and care about, young people no matter what. If they are angry, they are signalling they need us more than ever. It's our unwavering support and empathy that makes the difference in their lives.
Rule of Life number 11 - 'We all need to belong' - in two weeks.
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