It was not until Mark Stiles reached 54 that he could bring himself to talk about the sexual abuse he suffered as a child.
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That was in 2012, five years after his marriage to Lea. Two years later he gave evidence to the Royal Commission into Institutional Responses to Child Sexual Abuse, detailing his time at Goulburn's Gill Memorial Boys Home from August, 1971 to December, 1972.
Choosing to publicly identify himself, he told how he was abused "four out of every seven days" and witnessed other boys "being spirited away in the night" for the same purpose. He said the sexual abuse had a profound impact on his life, taken away his ability to interact with the community, stolen his foundational life skills and "caused (him) to panic almost every day for over 40 years."
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"It was the start of a massive dive emotionally," he said of the Commission hearing
"You get to a point where the only way is up."
That cathartic moment along with giving court evidence against his abuser, Captain Russell Robert Walker in 2018, has spurred Mr Stiles in a new direction.
Recently the committed christian has joined the board of Burleigh Heads-based charity, At the Ark, which was started in 2010 to provide support and guidance for individuals and families dealing with child sexual abuse.
"I've put my hand up to walk with survivors who haven't spoken about it," Mr Stiles said.
"We work through the process of healing. A lot of people are frightened to speak out and don't understand how to get help."
Although living in Queensland, Mr Stiles says he speaks to victims everywhere. Having been abused himself, he said he did not judge.
ARK, standing for Achieving Restoration for Kids, was started in the UK in 2008 and two years later in Australia. It guides victims and families on how to access help, the court process and hosts support workshops, among many other services. One of its founders, Xenia Schebria, survived a 15-year domestic violence relationship and wrote of her experience in Broken to be Beautiful. In 2020 she was named Gold Coast's Woman of the Year.
Mr Stiles said he was also inspired by this year's Australian of the Year, Grace Tame, who had been sexually abused at age fifteen.
"She said she wanted people to continue talking about sexual abuse and to stop the groomers. That's what I want to do as well. As of last week we still had children being abused in Queensland schools," he said.
Two years on, he was glad he had spoken out about Russell Walker. His and others' evidence resulted in Walker's conviction on 18 counts of assault on a male, two counts of buggery, and one each of attempting to procure/commission an indecent act with a male and procuring/commissioning an indecent act. Walker had pleaded not guilty to all charges.
In December, 2018 he was sentenced to 16 years' prison, with a non-parole period of 12 years.
Mr Stiles, who has been awarded some compensation by the Salvation Army, has welcomed the draft NSW Civil Liability Amendment (Child Abuse Settlements Bill) 2020. It is aimed at allowing courts to set aside certain agreements that settled child abuse claims, "where it is just and reasonable to do so."
"If passed) it will mean that a person can go back to the institution and litigate," Mr Stiles said.
"...It recognises that various institutions have taken advantage of people who have been raped and abused by paying them out small sums and then making them sign a waiver that they won't claim more...That's the contempt they have been treating people with."
You get to a point where the only way is up.
- Mark Stiles
Public submissions on the Bill closed in December. However Greens MP David Shoebridge has called for changes, arguing that it "doesn't open a fair or workable pathway to justice for victims of child sexual abuse."
"This scheme fails entirely to deal with the thousands of cases where there may well have been a viable course of action but the unfair bargaining positions of the parties, the mental harm suffered by the survivor and/or the dominant views of abusive institutions (and the legal profession) was such that unfair and inadequate agreements were accepted as normal," he wrote in his submission.
Mr Stiles also lodged a submission on the Bill. He has also described the federal government's redress scheme, following the Royal Commission, as a "conscience balm" that enables institutions escape their obligations.
While taking an interest in legislation, he's getting on with his life and is keen to help others. His wife has just released a song, Stop the Abuse, to help raise money for the charity.
"I've connected with a lot of survivors. I'm not doing anything special but it means a lot," he said.
- For more information, visit www.attheark.org.au/ or call 1300 504 501. The Sexual Assault and Domestic Violence National Help Line is 1800 737 732 or visit www.1800respect.org.au/
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